Preserve the Dignity

When you give to those in need, is it a handout or a gift of inspiration? Do we make those we help feel small that they have to "beg" from us? Or do they feel gifted with love, hope, and a blessing for better days?


A few years ago, I volunteered for a home for pregnant teens to train them in MS Office skills. I was given a tour by the house-mom and what a delightful experience it was. The home was not the typical shelter with just the basic necessities, a place where one can feel discouraged than inspired. Rather, it was a place where the expectant mom can find dignity, joy, and a hope for a brighter tomorrow. Tucked in a quiet cul-de-sac in the San Dimas suburb of Los Angeles County, the home was in a nice upper-middle class community, five bedrooms, and all the modern amenities of a dream family home. The teens were given responsibilities of keeping everything up in exchange for beautiful private rooms with nursery furniture added, healthy delicious meals, and commitment to work towards building a future for themselves and their babies. This place was a sanctuary with inspiration and dignity at such a special and critical time for this young moms.

I was touched and inspired by the way this place and volunteers preserved the dignity of those they were helping. The standard of hope this place gave the young moms was a wonderful vision for the future. What about us? How do we give? How do we help?

Take a look at what you donate to Salvation Army or Goodwill. Do you pack your oldest, most threadbare clothes, those items no one else could wear without falling apart? Or are you willing to bless others with your better clothes because you have lost some weight and they are a size too big? Will you keep a $300 dress sitting in the closet because it is too big for you, or will you willingly pass it on to someone else who will enjoy wearing it?

When a friend or family member needs some help with money, does your help come with a lecture about how they need to budget better? Does it come with interrogation?

When you take an unemployed friend out to dinner, do you take them to Del Taco because they can't repay the gesture? Or do you take them somewhere nice? When you pay for the tab, do you make a big deal about your gesture? Or do you casually pick up the tab so they won't feel they are imposing? Do you thank them for their time and the pleasure of their company?

My friend, Steve Smith, was coaching and mentoring me for free. Do you know how much career-coaching cost? With Steve, I never feel like a charity project. He always graciously makes me feel like he has the pleasure giving to me. When he wants me to do something with a project, for my own good, he has this awesome way of phrasing it like, "Please do me a favor...".

Maybe that's the secret. When we give, it is a favor and a gift to us. The opportunity to bless others, just like others bless us at times. How do you treat someone who is giving you a favor? With respect, with dignity, with the Mahal Spirit.